cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
