It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
