the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
