So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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