I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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