Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
