There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it hurts more in the daytime
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
