I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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