peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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