i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
