Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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