No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
