So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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