I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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