When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
time to smoke my breakfast
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
