Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
