oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can I color on your dick again?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
