It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
