You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
