Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
