you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
