Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
