Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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