Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
