Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
