i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
