You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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