Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
