Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
