Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
