her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
