He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
