Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dick very happy bro
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
