So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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