seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
