Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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