I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
