Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
