I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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