went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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