If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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