I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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