my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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