she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
