You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
