when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Alive.
So much puke
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
