Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We had sex on a dog bed..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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