Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
