Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
please come you make the beer taste better
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
