Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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