How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
