Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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