i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
