If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
