I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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