you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize