you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
