the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
where are my eyebrows?
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