My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
