I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
