I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
