Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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