Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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