Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
