she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
