Cold hands, warm shart.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
