Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
