all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
